How to be an expert (by Stephen Colbert)

Funny feature on Wired's website right now featuring Stephen Colbert. In fact, it's both entertaining and practical. Stephen reveals how to be an expert on anything. Here are a few of the highlights:

SPEAK FROM THE BALLS, NOT FROM THE DIAPHRAGM. In the expert game, you’ve got to have sack. That means speaking with confidence. In America, you’ve got to steer clear of nuance and ambivalence – and don’t even contemplate doubt.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO MAKE THINGS UP. Never fear being exposed as a fraud. Experts make things up all the time. They’re qualified to.

DON'T LIMIT YOURSELF TO CURRENT KNOWLEDGE. If you worry too much about being up-to-date, you miss out on vast territories of obsolete knowledge just waiting to be reclaimed. Think of leech-craft and all the lonely experts in the use of the little creatures, which are now experiencing a renaissance in health care.

GET AN HONORARY PHD. They work wonders. I have a doctorate in fine arts from Knox College in Illinois. All I did was give a speech, and now everybody has to call me Dr. Colbert.

For the complete list, see the feature itself. Study hard, and maybe one day you'll get to spout off on cable news too. I expect a shout-out.

Bonus mp3:

Glen Phillips - Political Science [Randy Newman cover; live 3-23-2002]

The full Glen show is available in .shn format at archive.org.